Update

Okay, so this past week wasn't that great. I didn't exercise not one fricking time. But previously I have been working out 3 days a week. I am also going to get back to that this week. I'm still doing what I should be doing. I just wanted to update. Not much to say. I am now down a total of 74.8 pounds. So no complaints here!

Checking In, Again

Okay so I went on vacation and for a week my eating went OK...not good...not bad...but OK. I didn't stick with WW totally, but I definitely didnt' go overboard as I typically do once I am on vacation. I also started to slack on exercise. Okay let's just say technically haven't been doing well. But I went to the meeting Sunday...I actually STAYED and listened and I am motivated to keep it going. I actually don't feel BAD about myself right now. I am dressing better...I actually purchased a pair of jeans from Lane Bryant yesterday (with a coupon...that damn store is tooooooo expensive) and I'm feeling awesome! Mind you I want to keep losing weight...but I don't HATE myself as I did when I weighed almost 70 pounds more.
I have always been a "big" girl...but now that I'm a less bigger girl...still big, but not as big...I'm happy. Well as happy as I can be. So I'm back to tracking my food and exercising. OH and a BIG NSV...so I woke up this morning at 6:30a as usual to work out and I'm usually in there alone...but this morning there was a guy in there working out. Instead of turning around (as I have done before due to embarrassment) I went in there and STILL worked out...YAY. That's huge for me! I was like...shoooot I woke up this early and no way in hell I'm going to turn around. Plus I needed to work out, period. I need to tone up...and keep losing weight. I'm super proud of myself. Yay. Well that's my update...I am feeling good and staying motivated!

Checking In...

Okay so this past Sunday I lost 1.2. I feel like saying "only" 1.2, but I know it all adds up the end. It's just kind of hard to keep that in mind when you lose 1.2. I am happy I did lose though rather than gain. I did lose 3 pounds last week, so I should have known this week wouldn't be awesome. I also went out to dinner to Texas Roadhouse (a steak place) last Monday, so I'm sure that didn't help. This week I have worked out 2 days so far. I had to take Monday and Tuesday off because my leg (non exercise pain) has been hurting. But I did get up this morning and worked out for 32 minutes. I burned 383 calories. Not bad though last time I burned 402 calories...but it's alright. I am just proud of myself for getting up at 6:30 am this morning to work out.

So yeah that's pretty much my update. I plan on working out Friday morning also. I am a bit concerned because next week I am going out of town from Tuesday to Friday. I plan on still working out...or at least walking on the beach in the mornings (woot! beach...here I come!). I also think I'll buy a dining out companion book at WW on Sunday just so I'll have more info. at my finger tips. I'll also be bringing lots of snacks and fruit. So I do have a game plan. Well guess I'm out! Until next time....

BTW...the picture associated with this post is 1 pound of fat. I posted this to show myself and remind myself that THIS is what I lost this week...actually a tad bit more. So never should I feel bad for losing "just a pound"...it's hard work! :)

NSV {Non Scale Victory}

Okay so I have been getting up at 6:30 am to exercise and then be at work by 9 am. Well this morning I had a meeting at 8 am. So rather than skipping exercise I got up at 6 am and exercise. WHAT??! Yeah that's a big NSV for me. I realllllllllly didn't want to get up....I really, really didn't. But I did it and I feel darn good about myself for it. I worked out for 32 minutes and burned 395 calories. It's a record for me. Woot! Anywho I just wanted to post this b/c I'm so proud of myself. I do believe I shall give myself a pat on the back! :)

Weigh In...

Woot! So this week I lost 3 pounds. Woot, woot, woot! :) I'm soooo excited! I worked out 3 days last week elliptical 20 minutes. I'm so happy. My new total is down 66 pounds. I feel so good about myself on days I workout.

I watched my points much closer. I ate every, single damn point...every single damn day. I also made a point to try to drink more water. Unfortunately I've recently developed a Starbucks skinny vanilla latte habit. Luckily those are only 3 points. But I have decided I can only have a latte on days I work out. Boo! lol But it's good that I am giving myself peremeters.

This morning I did the elliptical and did 32 minutes, 2 miles and burned 378 calories. Woot! I am aiming for 30 minutes when I exercise now. I really started to feel the burn. I believe I started getting use to the 20 minutes...so good thing I pushed myself. So excited. I love the elliptical. I need to change it up though...which brings me to the groupon.com deal today. It's 30 classes for $20 at 11 locations around town that have classes like jazzercise, zumba, spin...etc. I'd love to give it a sho and for ONCE it's something I can afford. However, I don't want to do it alone. UGH. UGH...UGH!!! I don't have many friends and the 2 people who I do know won't do it with me. SIGH. I still feel like buying it...but I'm scared. Yikes! I need to get over my shyness...and my social anxiety...but it's so hard. UGH. I'm still debating. Stay tuned...

Weigh In #I have no idea

I gained .6. I was sooooo pissed. I mean PISSED. I ate what I was suppose to eat...not binging...no eating anything crazy. And I got up early 3 days this week and worked out. Hmph! That's some bull. It's all good, I have now dusted myself off and moved on. As of today I have worked out twice. I left the meeting and went to the gym and this morning I worked out. I am up to 20 mins on the elliptical. I would also like to increase my weight lifting. Nothing crazy...but hopefully it can help tone my arms for my wedding dress...hell and just in general. Well that's my update. Nothing much to tell. I gained. Sigh.

Oh yeah so this week I am going to track closer and be a bit more vigilant. I am also going to try to increase my water. Also I will still be working out as usual. At least 3 days...perhaps even 4, fingers crossed on that.

Weigh In

WOOT! So I had weigh in Sunday and I lost 2.2. OH SNAP! I haven't lost over 1.6 pounds in MONTHS at one weigh in. I guess exercise is a good thing. Who knew??! lol Yeah I'm super excited! Oh and guess what I did?? I purchased several pairs of capris from Lane Bryant...I haven't worn pants in many years so I'm thrilled! Oh and guess what?? I can wear a size 20! WOOT!

Day 2 Week 1 C25K

Okay so I got up about 30 minutes earlier than usual and I did my day 2 week one of the couch to 5k. OMG first of all I'm so tired right now at work it's not even funny. I'm not so much in pain at this point as I am tired. Every once in a while I'll feel a bit of pain on the front of my thighs...but I'm not too bad at this point. I'm glad I opted to get up and do it...but DAMN I'm tired. When does this extra burst of exercise energy kick in? Isn't there a such thing? I hear people say it all the time...when you exercise you feel better the rest of the day...have more energy...blah blah. Where is that ENERGY?????? I want it now!!! lol Oh well it's okay. So this morning rather than going to the park and running on a trail (in which I was scared to death of getting lost and MURDERED) I opted to jog/walk at my apartment complex. I chose to run at the tennis courts...which is larger than I thought. It's a double full size court. So it worked out well. I would run in the apartment complex itself but I'm too self concious. I'm not sure what I'm going to do Friday as I have to work an overnight shift so I can't get up early before work and jog. Perhaps I'll get off (UGH I'm going to be tired as hell) go to the gym and do it on the tredmill. The concern about doing it outside is by the time I get off from work it will be HOT outside. I get off at 1pm. SIGH. So yeah I might just do that. I don't want to slack and give up all within the first week. So yeah day 2 of week 1 down. I'm tired...I hurt...and hell no it's not easy.

Couch To 5K - Exercise Plan

Okay so as of yesterday I have started the Couch to 5k. EEEK! I'm excited...yet I'm kinda of apprehensive. Why? B/c I'm afraid of failure. I thnk it's kind of crazy to work so hard at eating well, but to not exercise as I should. I don't really have a goal of running a 5k...my goal at this time is just to get moving. I love walking and I think it's about time I stepped it up to jogging/running. I feel that the Couch to 5k is a good to get a regimented way of going beyond walking without (hopefully) overwhelming myself or hurting myself. So how did day one go yesterday? Ahh...well I went to a park on a walking trail and did it. I must first say I was totally freaked at the idea b/c I didn't want to get murdered or anything. Hey, the world is full of crazy people who target women in parks. Anyway...so I was a bit concerned...and I didn't want to get lost. On top of that it seemed that every time I had to run (week 1 there are 60 secs of running followed by 90 secs of walking intervals)...I was going uphill. UGH! So tomorrow when I do it I am going to do it at my apartment complex. I don't WANT people to see me...but I will be doing it early in the morning...so hopefully it won't be too strange. I downloaded several podcasts to help me. I like the podcasts...they are hip-hop music...and it's nice. So yeah. Oh yeah I didn't weigh in this past Sunday. I opted to pass on that. I have been getting very discouraged lately with the lack of scale movement. So instead I just passed and I'll be going this next Sunday. I don't feel bad for not going...hell if it helps me mentally prepare myself for starting a new exercise regime...then it's all good. Also I purchased 3 pound hand weights that I'll be doing on my days "off" from running so this is my current schedule:

Monday - C25k
Tuesday - Free Weights
Wednesday - C25k
Thursday - Free Weights
Friday - C25k

Saturday/Sunday days off...maybe a bit of mall walking on Sundays, but not required. :)


Well there you have it...I'm here to say it's on! I need to lose more weight...and tone up. It's a must...so this is the start to something great! (I hope).

*side note: I am doing this ON MY OWN. I am not "waiting" for anyone to do it with me...nor am I hoping by some miracle that my support system (which is NULL at this point) will magically decide to help me. I got "fat" on my own...I can lose weight on my own. *end of rant*

Checking In...

Wow so it's been over a month since my last post...wow! Yeah it's crazy. But guess what? I haven't gained weight. I have actually lost! My weight loss total right now is 61.4. Of course I wish it was more...but my weight loss has slowed down significantly. Why? B/c I suck. lol Well maybe not suck...b/c if I suck I would be gaining weight, right? Let's just say I haven't been doing all I should. I haven't been working out like I should...and I haven't been tracking my food like I should. Such a shame. I really need to work our harder b/c guess what?? I purchased a wedding gown! Yay! It's a size 24 (ugh)...but at this point I actually wear (in regular clothing) a size 20. Formal clothing tends to run a bit smaller...so it's all good. I still need to get the gown altered b/c it still doesn't fit properly (it's a bit too big!)...so in a few months I'll do that. I hope to be able to maximize my weight loss and have the dress taken in a lot more. I need to focus on my arms. They are HUGE! I've always hated my arms...and they are terrible in size. I mean I'm thankful to have arms...but sheesh they are huge. So when I get paid Friday I am going to invest in some weights...oh yeah and USE them.

So yeah that's about it. I'm trying to do the wedding planning thing. Though I'm doing pretty good at this point. I have my dress and venue, dj, photog and flower vendors booked. The only things left really are get the tuxes, maid of honor dress and get a cake. Not bad for 8 months out! I want to take engagement pictures soon also. Perhaps next month.

Oh yeah so I went to an amusement park not too long ago. Maybe 2 weeks ago. I haven't been in several years b/c...well I've been too fat. Well the results were...I could fit on all but 2 rides. Of course the 2 rides are the biggest, newest, best rides...but nope, couldn't fit. It's as if they are making new rides smaller. Egh. It sucks...ok, it REALLY sucks....but no worries b/c I'll be on it next year and that's a promise. F-this. It was embarassing to not be able to fit...but luckily they have seats outside the ride so you can "test" if you fit. I guess they know they made the seats ultra small. I mean how messed up is it that a woman who wears a size 20 can't ride a ride? I mean dang. Oh well to me a size 20 isn't huge...but it isn't small...so I GUESS I get it. Oh well...there is always next year. And trust me next year come hell or high waters my ass will be riding EVERYTHING!

Well that's my update. Still around. Still plugging along on the weight loss train.

- Me

Been A Long Time...

Wow it's been forever, right? Yeah I know! Well at this time when someone doesn't blog for several months it can be assumed that he/she has gained a bunch of weight or just generally " fallen off" the weight loss wagon, right? Ahhh...well in my case you would be wrong! I am still on WW and though for the past 2 weeks I've been struggling a bit I have not gained any weight...actually I am currently at 287.2. What??! Shocking I know. I have lost a total of 50.2 pounds.

I am so thankful to have lost weight and I will continue to do so. It's been tough...but I won't stop! I have a lot more energy now...my clothes fit better...oh and my face looks a better/smaller...not a LOT smaller...but smaller all the same. lol Yeah I'm still fat...but hell I'm not ASS fat...so that's a start.

Wedding starting to stressing me out. My father is stressing me out. Money is stressing me out. Life is stressing me out. UGH! I'd love to just sit down at a lovely Chinese buffet and gorge on food. But I won't. It's so much easier just being super fat...than having control. But I can do this. I won't let it get me down. No sir!

Anywho, I just wanted to check in. I'll update more later!

Weigh In #13 {Operation Twoderville!}

Okay so this week I lost 1 pound. Egh. Not happy with that whatsoever. It seems as soon as my ass gets close to being under 300 my weight loss slows. GRRR! Okay so I've opted to change things up this week. How so you may ask? Okay well first of all I purchased a 3 months food tracker at the WW meeting. I am going to start paper tracking...and I mean tracking ALL of my meals. I am quite sure I am not eating enough points. I for a fact track every meal BUT dinner...so I do believe I'm leaving too many points on the table at the end of the day. BAD idea. So yeah. Also I am going to work out to a DVD/TV this week aside from just walking at the mall. Though my sister has been out of town so we haven't been walking anyway. I did take my dog for a walk yesterday and plan on it today as well. I think my body needs more exercise than what I've been giving it. Oh yeah and also measuring all of my food...I MUST do that. Eye balling my food is lame and I know better. So that's the plan for the week. This is called Operation Twoderville! I am going to get under 300 if it kills me. At this point it's more than a number...this is MENTAL. It's killing me weighing over 300 pounds. F this!

Progress

DATE: .....WEIGHT: .....+/-


1/2/11 337.4


1/9/11 331.2 -6.2


1/16/11 328.4 -2.8 (Total -9)


1/23/11 324.8 -3.6 (Total -12.6)


1/30/11 324.0 -.8 (Total -13.4)


2/06/11 320.4 -3.6 (Total -17)


2/13/11 318.4 -2 (Total -19)


2/20/11 314.8 -3.6 (Total 22.6)


2/27/11 314.0 -0.8 (Total 23.4)


3/03/11 311.0 -3.0 (Total 26.4)


3/13/11 307.6 -3.4 (Total 29.8)


3/20/11 305.6 -2.0 (Total 31.8)


3/27/11 304.4 -1.2 (Total -33)


4/2/11 303.4 -1.0 (Total -34)


6/5/11 287.2 (Total -50.2)


8/7/11 276.0 (Total -61.4)


8/14/11 273.8 -2.2 (Total -63.8)


8/28/11 274.4 +0.6 (Total -63.0)


9/4/11 271.4 -3.0 (Total -66.0)


9/11/11 270.2 -1.2 (Total -67.2)


10/7/11 267.8 (Total 69.8)


10/24/11 262.6 (Total 74.8)


7/4/12 262.6 (Total 74.8)


7/8/12 260.0 -1.6 (Total 76.4)


7/25/12 254 (Total 83.4)


7/30/12 251.2 -2.8 (maybe!!) (Total 86.2)


8/6/12 251.2 -0 (NO change!)


8/21/12 SCALE NOT WORKING PROPERLY! GRR!!


8/26/12 246.2 (Total 91.2)


9/6/12 240.8 (Total 96.6)


9/23/12 238.0 (Total 99.4)


10/14/12 233.4 (Total -104)


11/18/12 223 (Total -114.4)


12/10/12 219 (Total -118.4)



NOW for some pics:

Weigh In #12

Okay so I lost 1.2 this week for a total of 33 pounds. I made my 10% goal this week! Yay! So excited! Yeah I wish I had lost more than 1.2...but honestly it's not that bad considering I went out to dinner 3 times last week. 1. night my bf graduated from college 2. our 3 year anniversary/night we got engaged 3. girl's night out. I should have thought harder about girl's night out and planned for another night...but egh. It was a lot of fun and it was worth it. I am hoping this week I'll lose a good amount.

On another note so we got my (new) engagement ring yesterday. And it's a size 10. Yes that's large...but it's still 1/2 a size smaller than the last ring I got (dec. 09). And the ring comes with a warranty or protection plan that allows for free sizing..forever. So once my fingers get smaller I'll be able to get it sized down at no cost! I'll be able to pick my ring up on April 11th. Soooo excited! It's being sized so yeah...I have to wait 2 weeks.

Anyway this week I walked 3 times this past week. I didn't really dance at night...which is another reason why I didn't really lose much Sunday. I am going to get back to that...b/c I do love it. I suppose tonight is the night! lol Well that's my update...just wanted to check in and keep myself more accountable!

Brace Yourselves!

Okay so this week has been good....Wednesday I had a good day. It was my boyfriend and I's third anniversary. We went to dinner at a Japanese restaurant and then saw Cirque du Soilei. It was def. a good time. And this is where you should brace yourselves...when we got home he proposed!!!! OMG! Yeah so apparently I'm getting married. What???! I know!!!! yeah this has been one of those WHOA...OMG...LOL....WTF weeks! lol

Anyway I guess it's a good thing I'm already on WW b/c Lord knows I'm not trying to be the world's fattest bride. OMG...lol. (Sorry I randomly OMG when I think about getting married). I am about to leave work soon...I'm going walking at the mall then I'm going to go home and nap. I worked an overnight shift...so I'm very tired and I have a headache. But that's not gonna stop me from walking!

Tomorrow is girl's night out. We are going to have Japanese (yup same restaurant...I picked it lol)...and then Dave and Busters for drinks and games. I don't believe I'll be drinking as WI is the next day. I don't want to have a bad weigh in. I already am pushing it by eating out twice this week...no make that 3 times. One night we had take out Applebees. I did order off the WW menu...but still. And my leftovers are in the fridge from Wed. night but I'm afraid to eat them. I think I might not. I mean why have another higher in point meal...with more sodium. Egh...we'll see. Anyway so that's my check in....I'm getting married....OMG!!!!!!! lol

Weigh in #11

Okay so I lost 2 pounds this week! I am very happy about that...though I guess it would be likely hard to believe. Yesterday after the meeting I was talking to my friend and I literally started crying b/c I'm just so unhappy with my weight. It's a combination of PMS...and just me going nuts I guess. I mean I am now at 305.6...and it just kills me that I am still over 300 pounds. It sounds crazy..I realize...but I'm just so bummed. I'll get over it...I need to cont. to work on my mental state. I am totally cracking up. I just truly feel like being under 300 will be so awesome and I can't wait for it!

Also yesterday my sister joined WW. I'm excited to have another WW buddy...so that's def. good. I am officially at 31.8 pounds lost. So that means I get my paid subscription to Pandora! My next 10 pounds my reward are a pair of (pink and white) Nike flip flops. I loooove flip flops...so I can't wait! So very excited! Bring it on!

Miss {Not As Big} New Booty [NSV]

Okay so I went to a musical last night and it's a local theater that has pretty small seats. I went to this same theater for a musical back in September of last year. Well this time the seats didn't DIG into my hips...nor do I feel any pain OR have bruises. Yes, I had bruises from last time I went on my hips (sad, yes I know!)....but this time it was great! I was able to sorta cross my legs a bit (not for long....b/c well let's face it I'm still fat...) but yeah it was awesome! I felt so awesome when I sat down and my fat didn't bulge out the side. Amazing what almost 30 pounds will do. Woohoo!

I admit this hasn't been the best week ever. But after last night I see why I am doing this...and I am going to renew myself and be on track. I am still over 300 pounds. So yeah I have a ways to go...but I can do this. I can't wait to go back to that theater in a few more months!

Score ONE for the (smaller) big girl!

Weigh-In & Bad Day

Okay so this past week I lost 3.4 at weigh in for a total of 29.8. Yay! I am so excited. I'm .2 away from 30 and my new reward of "paid" Pandora.

Side note: UGH yesterday was terrible. I had Japanese twice. UGH! I am pretty sure this may have ruined my WI for Sunday. But I am going to just hope for the best. SHAME ON ME! I shouldn't have done that...but for some reason I lost my mind. Ohhhh...and I had some wine. At least 2 glasses. UGH! Bad, bad, me.

I'm back on track today...but DAMN it. I'm not gonna beat myself up though. I am just going to move on and be on track for the rest of the week!

Mid Week Check In...

Okay so not too much going on with me. Kinda boring week. I

Weigh in #9

Okay so in a surprise turn of events I lost 3 pounds this week! Shock...gasp! lol I know, right! I'm so excited to say that. I have now lost a total of 26.4 pounds. Yay!

Last week was pretty decent. I had a slight Japanese incident in which I won't get too much into. Needless to say I know that Japanese is now a trigger food and I'm not allowing myself to go there often. However my sister "took" me out to lunch after we walked on one day..and I dumbly agreed to go..is dumbly even a word? Anyway...well I agreed to go. Bad idea. So I tried to be a good girl and box up half my food before I even started...but needless to say once I got home I ate the rest...I mean as SOON as I got home. Totally defeats the purpose. I mean on Vday I was fine bringing home leftover Japanese...but the other day last week..not so much. What was the difference? Well on Vday my bf was home and we both put our leftovers in the fridge and spent time together. This past week I was left to my own "fat girl" devices...and that left me alone gorging on Japanese food. UGH. I have eating issues. (duh)

Well anyway...I'm hoping for a great week this week. I've already walked twice this week and I do believe I'm going again Friday. We are up to 3 times around (yay us!) and so we are killing it! I really want to look into getting some ankle weights...maybe 2 pounds...nothing major. But hey it's a start!

Random side note: so I have shared I walk at the mall for exercise. so at this point we go into "smaller" stores all the time and just look at the clothes...sizes...blah blah. Just to look. Well so I've been in just about every "small girl" store there is around at this mall...from American Eagle (I actually purchased an XL sweater there for $8...I can't EVEN wear it..but yeah) to Ann Taylor. How about my sister/walking partner wanted to go into Forever 21 and I froze at the door. WTH. Okay...I think I have some sort of preconceived notion about that store...but I couldn't go in...WOW. I have got issues. I mean I absolutely froze at the door and opted to go to the bathroom instead while she went inside. Wow. I guess I hear so much about Forever 21 I just didn't want to bother and have them stare at the 300 pound fat chick. SIGH. And yes I have heard they sell some plus size...apparently they have a tiny RACK somewhere with "plus size"...whatever. Yeah so I don't foresee myself going in there for a good 100 pounds. EGH. I'm good. BOO!

Mid Week Update

So far so good this week. I've been making sure I eat the correct amount of points...also I have been dancing at night. I fear I might only get 2 days of walking in this week...but we'll see. I've been thinking a bit about my March goals and here are a few of them:

1. Drink More Water (at least 5 bottles of water a day 16.9 FL Oz.)
2. Dance on nights I don't walk
3. Lose at least 2 pounds each week.

Those goals aren't much different from any other motnth so far...but honestly I'm very anxious to get out of the 300s. I'm so bummed about weighing 300+ pounds...so I'm really really anxious. I doubt I'll get out of the 300s this month b/c that would mean I would have to lose at least 3.8 pounds a week. EEK! yeah not likely...but I am inching closer to it and I'm soooo ready to be there!

Weigh In #8 (2 Months!)

Okay so it's been 2 months on WW and here is my weigh in for the week...I lost .8. Booo! Well ok it could be worse...I could have gained...or I could have stayed the same. At least I lost something, right? Well this past week has been kinda crappy. I have had the WORST allergies I've ever had in my life. I mean the WORST. I am waking up every day with eyes swollen shut...bleeding gums/dry teeth...and scratchy throat. It's AWFUL! Yeah lovely image I just gave you, huh? Well it's worse in person! Anyway so I did walk 3 times this past week...but I didn't do much walking. Between allergies and a knee that hurts...nope not doable.

I am happy to report that my knee isn't hurting today and my allergies though still SUCK and I woke up this morning looking like I had been crying all night are a bit better. I have been trying all types of medications and I tried an offbrand Clartin (walmart brand) and it seems to be helping a bit. Yup I said off brand...Clartin is like 15 bucks and walmart brand is 5. I'm poor. lol

Anyway so yeah. Also exciting news...yesterday while walking I went to Old Navy and got a pair of XXL PJ bottoms and I tried them home once I got home and they FIT! They don't quite fit how I would like PJ bottoms to fit...they fit more like regular pants. But they fit! I'm going to give it maybe 10 more pounds before I actually wear them. But YAY for that. The XXL dress I purchased a month or so go is getting a bit loose...but it's still not wearable outside the house. But I'm making progress! Anywho that's my update.

Oh yeah doggie update...he went to the vet. Vet said he is actually very healthy aside for the tummy issues. He has been on medication since Friday and has been MUCH better. He goes back for a check up tomorrow. YAY! And my sweet BF paid for half the doc bill. Love that man!

Recap:

.8 loss...why? B/c I skipped a few meals due to being sick with allergies this week. BAD IDEA. Oh and no dancing a few nights. BAD IDEA #2.

More Observations & Musings

Okay so today my knee has been giving me hell today. It's only my left knee too. I do believe it's b/c of exercise. I feel it sometimes when I'm walking as well as when I'm dancing at night. But it's not going to stop me. I really wish it would sotp though. So frustrating to have it hurt like this. True I've been this weight before, but I've never exercised at this weight...so that's probably it. SMH. I'm 31 and having knee pain do to walking and dancing. Wow...pathetic. I truly hope that within the next 20 pounds or so the knee pain will go away.

Today I'm also bummed b/c my dog is sick. I've had a dog for the past almost 8 years or so...but he has been throwing up and urinating in the crate...he's never done that before. I really can't afford to take him to the vet and run a bunch of tests. Luckily I found a free coupon for a vet (don't worry it's a reputable vet)...a free exam. So hopefully I can get some answers. I really hope it's not a lot...b/c if it's going to be expensive I'll literally have to give him away and I'd hate to do that. SIGH. Seriously if it's not one thing..it's another. Seriously.

As far as weight loss goes...it's been going well this week. No complaints. I've walked twice this week and on the days I haven't walked I've danced. I'm up to 4 songs at this point...which is awesome b/c if you remember I started off with I believe 1 and a half songs. So I'm building up my endurance definitely. Fingers crossed with weigh in Sunday. I am truly hoping for the best!

I Weigh Less Than Gas (Weigh In #7)

Okay so I was driving to work and I saw gas prices and first thought...DAMN those are high. But then I thought...WOW I weigh less than gas prices. 7 weeks ago I weighed MORE than gas prices. BTW, gas prices are now $3.19. Strange thought I know, but it did cross my mind. lol Yeah I have issues, I realize this...but for the record...YAY I weigh less than gas prices! lol

I lost 3.6 this week for a total of 22.6 pounds. I'm very proud of myself for that. I have a lot more energy and I'm stoked! I already walked twice this week..and our pace has definitely increase. I am really starting to enjoy walking. I really like walking in the mall b/c that gives us an opportunity to window shop and check out clothes that we would LIKE to fit it. It's truly encouraging. I've even worked up the courage to walk into a few of the skinny girl stores that I've never been able to...just to look at the clothes.

This past week I ate a lot of taco salads. YUM! I estimate the whole thing (with a serving of tortilla chips) to be 15 points. I do believe it's probably a bit less...but I'd rather assume it's more than less. And since I get 48 points a day...15 points for dinner isn't bad at all. lol I load my taco salad up with (lots of) lettuce, 1/2 a serving of brown rice, 1 serving of black beans, 1 serving of low fat cheese, 1 serving of sour cream, salsa and salsa verde. YUMMY! Totally recommend it! It's all the lettuce that is filling...I know that's what it is. It's like I'm cheating...but I know I'm not. lol

Well that's about it...just wanted to check in...!

Valentine's Day

Alrighty so yesterday was Valentine's Day. It was a good day...rather than totally tripping and starving myself until dinner (which is what I've done in the past)...I made a point to eat regularly all day. I also went walking again with my sister at the mall earlier in the day. So once my boyfriend got home and was getting ready I asked him where he was thinking about us going. He said Olive Garden. Yeah so umm no. My face dropped! lol Of course he then explained he thought that's where I'd like to go. (Yes, true I did want to go to Olive Garden the day I attended my first WW meeting...as my "last meal"...but umm Olive Garden isn't the most healthy place ever. The salad alone is a day's worth of points...and I get damn 48 points!) Anyway so I said how about Applebees (not so romantic...but they do have a WW menu!) or a Japanese restaurant.

We ended up going with Japanese. I ordered the chicken and shrimp. It came with salad, onion soup, (a LOT) of rice, shrimp appetizer, veggie and of course the chicken and shrimp. Okay I DID eat the salad, onion soup and shrimp appetizer (2 grilled shrimp). As far as the meal went I half of the rice which I'd say is about a cup to a cup and a half and I ate half of my shrimp and chicken/veggies. I think I did really good. I am already nervous about the meeting Sunday. I really hope I didn't screw myself. HOWEVER...I want to say that I did very good if you ask me. I could/would normally eat all of my food. I've never been one for take out boxes. I really could have easily stuffed all that food...no joke. But I didn't. So I think this is a step in the right direction. I can't avoid going out to dinner all the time...nor can I cook dinner every, single night. I like going out...I like feeling special and dressing up. I had an awesome Valentine's Day. Oh yeah and when I came home I had about 1/2 of a glass of wine. I couldn't say no..my boyfriend lit candles...and poured it and it was so sweet. I haven't been drinking much at all...and I plan on not drinking much. However it was a good night...and I'm not going to lie and say I'm not concerned about Sunday...but it will be okay.

As a side note...UGH! I went to Lane Bryant yesterday just to try on clothes....how about I'm a fucking 26. I was hoping I was a 24. I don't wear pants...I feel too fat for pants. (sounds crazy...I know...but anyway...) I haven't worn pants in about 3 or 4 years. So I tried on a pair of pants...a 24 and I couldn't even fasten them. OMG! I mean close, but no cigar. WOW. So that means I started out wearing a damn 28...I'm now a damn 26....WOW. Double wow. I'm so ashamed at myself. Wow. I'm down almost 20 pounds and I'm a size 26. Unbelievable. For some reason I just assumed I STARTED at a size 26 and was now in a 24 again. WOW. Sigh. Well it's all good (I guess)....I'm losing weight. I'm just bummed. Wow. SMH.

Weigh In #6

I just wanted to check in right quick. I had a good weigh in...I lost 2 pounds! That's a total of 19 pounds. Very excited! This previous week I walked 3 times as well as danced at night in the bathroom as I previously mentioned. I am up to 3 songs per night BTW. Well I'll be back later in the week to check in...just wanted to report my progress! Oh yeah tonight a new recipe: Oven Fried Chicken. I hope it's good!

Not Feeling Well

So majority of this week I haven't felt well. I have had stomach issues throughout the week. How? Why? I have no idea. But I have felt ultra bloated...have had increased trips to the restroom and I've been sipping pepto bismol all week. I pretty much have no hope at this point that weigh in Sunday will be good.

After work I am going for a walk with my sister at the mall again. I do need to exercise. We walked Sunday and Monday...so a third day will be awesome. I need all the help I can get as far as weight this week. My period starts next Thursday so I don't know if that has anything to do with it...I doubt it. But I do feel sorta blah. I'm typing this just to mentally prepare myself for disappointment Sunday. Well not necessarily disappointment...just not a big loss, if any at all.

I did get the chance to cook anything new this week. I've been pretty broke b/c so I couldn't purchase any cool, new ingredients. I do however plan on making oven fried chicken, chicken marasla as well as garlic shrimp this week/weekend. We'll see how it goes though.

I am so very stressed though lately. I'm dealing with some nonsense with my dad ever since my mother passed away in August. I am just stressed over the whole thing. My father moved a woman into the house in December. Yeah...exactly. My mother died in August and he moved a woman in just a few months later. How does that make any sense? I'm just too through. I'm so depressed...I cry all the time. I'm trying to get past it...but I can't take it. I feel like my life is seriously one big clusterfuck and I can't fix it. I realize I can't worry about grown people...but this whole situation turns my stomach. Just typing this makes my stomach hurts. SIGH.

I never mentioned that I gained even more weight after my mom died in August. And not only have I been mourning her...but dealing with my dad living with this woman...oh did I mention the woman was one of my mom's nurses?? Yeah...the story gets worse and worse. It's seriously so fucked I can't even think straight. I mean this dude (my dad) is on some brand new shit right here. SIGH

I am just going to try not to think about it....honestly b/c if I do I am bound to jump in the car and go to McDonald's. And yeah I know I'm emotional eater...I haven't and I don't plan on it...but yeah this sort of situation is taking a toll on me. I'm just so tired right now...so very tired. Wow, I just rambled on so much.......I am just ready for this week to be over. I'm tired of not feeling well. I'm tired of going to a shitty job at 3:30AM...I'm just tired. I need a vacation. I'm just saying...

Weight Loss Observations...

I have very few friends...literally about 4 to be exact and 2 of those are my boyfriend and sister. The other two are co-workers/friends. I felt close enough to tell them I joined WW and that I am losing weight. I have however found that they have totally ignored that fact and continue to eat junk in front of me and go on and on about how great it is....or tell me there are cookies somewhere in the office and that I should try them. One of them, who isn't overweight in my opinion said her doc said she needs to lose 30 pounds. I said well you can always join WW with me. Yeah, so how about she literally gasped and made the "stank face"...as if I had told her to jump off a bridge or something. I was like wow...I didn't realize WW was so offensive. My assumption is that I'm so fat that no one really believes me when I say I am trying to lose weight. Or should I say I AM losing weight. But that's okay, I appreciate the fact that others are doubting me...it makes me want to work harder. I will most definitely prove everyone wrong...and more importantly I WILL prove myself RIGHT!

Howdy.... Weigh In #5

Hey! So I had weigh in #5 and I am happy to say I lost 3.6 pounds for a total of 17 pounds. That also put me at my Weight Watcher 5%! Woohoo! So excited about that...I didn't think I'd make it to my 5% so quickly. YAY me! :)

This was a good week...I only walked once though. But I have been dancing at night trying to build up my stamina so I can be ready for Zumba. However I have noticed since walking/dancing my knee and ankle has been hurting. That's so damn sad. To be honest I do get over weight people random pains such as when I wake up in the morning but I've never had knee pain. I think it's a good thing b/c I am moving more. And honestly I've never exercised that much at this size even when previously doing WW 2 times before. So I will take my bum knee as a sign of accomplishment. lol Sounds crazy...but it's all good.

Also I want to say that I am continuing to work hard on my portion sizes. Yesterday I went to Subway and got a footlong sub and I only ate half of it. I bought half to work today for lunch. And then for dinner I made salmon and 2 pieces are 5 points...not bad at all. I made enough so I could have 2 pieces...however I put one on my plate. And I actually only ate one. SHOCKER! I also had rice, corn and broccoli and cheese. But the point is I didn't eat the 2nd piece of salmon. Yay me! And the thing is I was full. I really am working on my mindset. I need to change it. It's odd eating less food. But If I'm full...then what's the problem, right? Yeah...this is the typical "fat girl dilemma"...so sad! But I'm handling this...I got it! Well at least one day at a time!

Checking In

I am just checking in for the week. I'm having a pretty good week. Last night I made (turkey) bacon cheeseburgers, fries and broccoli and cheese for dinner last night. It was yummy! I am trying to ensure I am eating healthy but I am also eating well. I don't want to eat salads every night. I don't want to eat the same grilled veggies every night. As I said in my last entry I am truly enjoying cooking...and I do believe my boyfriend is also. He'll ask me at 9am what we are having for dinner that night. lol It's pretty funny.

I have exercised once so far this week...also I have been dancing every night for 2 songs. I don't believe I've mentioned this before but I am very interested in joining Zumba...or should I say taking a class. However I'm afraid I won't even make it through ONE class. So each night in the bathroom right before my shower I plug my headphones in and turn on Pandora and dance for 2 songs straight. I do plan on increasing the number of songs every week or every other week...but for now 2 songs wears me out. I am definitely trying to build up my stamina.

I plan on going walking again Friday also. Also next week I plan on starting "walk away the pounds" again. I really have enjoyed that in the past and luckily it's free on my TV on the exercise on demand.

Well that about covers it. I truly hope this week I lose at least 2 pounds. Fingers crossed!

Weigh-in

Okay so I lost .8 at weigh in this past week. Totally sucks...however I figured I wasn't going to have a "good" loss this week...although honestly any loss is good. This week I walked twice and I tracked also. I did have a bit of a scratchy throat so I took some cold medicine....the next day I gained 2 pounds...WTF!! I'm not sure what's wrong with the cold medicine...but trust me I haven't taken any since. My throat is back to being a bit scratchy so I'm taking some daytime meds. Hope it doesn't jack up my system again. I have also decided to start taking a multi vitamin (WW recommends this also) to perhaps help my immune system.
I recently tried some recipes on www.skinnytaste.com. Oh it's awesome! I tried the 3 Bean Turkey Chili...yummmy! Even my BF liked it. I am planning on making stuffed peppers maybe today or tomorrow. Not sure when exactly. Anyway just wanted to check in. I've lost a total of 13 pounds so far...so onward to a new month.

yay!

Weigh-In #3 & (mini) Goal Outfit(s)

Hey...so weigh-in #3 and I'm shocked. I lost 3.6 this week! Whhhhattt?? I know, right??! I had the world's longest week. I'm quite shocked actually. I'm very glad about it, don't get me wrong. Just shocked.

My week was made so bad b/c I had to work a 3:30am to 1pm shift at work 3 days this week...and on those days I can't weigh myself. Also my whole eating schedule gets off. I can't STAND it. I hate my job...hate, hate, hate. I really need a new one. I'm hoping I can get on the right path to find a better one this year. This is going to be my year...I'm telling you. I can't take another year being over 300 pounds and I can't take another year in this POS job!

In other news, I walked twice last week and I'm hoping to do the same this week. I did go walking yesterday at the mall. We went around twice, which is a lot. The mall I go walking is HUGE. Also...I got myself 2 little "goal" outfits. I went to Old Navy (I can't wear a fucking thing there at this point) and got a cute dress. The dress is an XXL. It's a black sundress...it's suppose to be cute and flowy...at this point it's just tight and nasty. My butt sticks out and so does my stomach...and my boobs are off the chart (and not in a good way). Mind you I CAN pull the dress down....with a careful SHIMMY...but it looks AWFUL. So I'm hoping by at least March (maybe?) I'll be able to wear it without looking crazy. Mind you the dress was only $8.49. (LOOOVE clearance!) I also got a cute jacket that says Old Navy on the front. It was only $1.99. It is an XL. Umm yeah that bitch is TIGHT. If I sneeze too hard I'd likely rip it. lol But it's all good. I WILL fit into them. I'm so glad I got them...yay!

Well that's my update....I'm hoping for a good week. Hoping for at least 2 down on Sunday!

Frustrated

I am so frustrated....why?

1. I have had to work a shitty schedule over night almost all week so my eating is off...I can't weigh myself...and I'm tired as hell.

2. My period is here and it's horrible...I am in pain, bloated and just generally in a pissy mood.

3. I am sure weigh-in will be awful...why? See above.

Day After MLK Jr. Day

I just wanted to say that yesterday was so much fun. I was kind of dreading the day simply b/c my bf was going to be home all day and I was too. Wait, that sounds bad...well see I'm always off on Monday and he isn't. I was annoyed b/c I wanted to sleep in...relax and just chill...ALONE. Hey, sometimes a girl just needs alone time. However we ended up going to see a movie. We saw The Green Hornet...which BLEW CHUNKS...AWFUL! I totally fell asleep...and it was IMAX and 3d. Anyway..rather than getting my normal popcorn, soda AND cinnamon pretzel...I bought a big bag of cherries with me. So my boyfriend and I shared the cherries and enjoyed the movie. Well enjoyed it as much as one can when the movie sucks.

We then walked the mall (a HUGE mall) and looked for sheets for the bed. I know he was bored...but he was a good sport about it. But the point is we walked a lot. I mean mind you I'm over 300 pounds...so walking this mall about killed me. But my pride wouldn't let me show that I was TIRED as hell...so I kept up pace with him. I mean mind you I wasn't RUNNING or anything...but I was going at a pretty good pace. So when we got home my ankle was hurting...not that I did too much...just b/c I'm so fat. I mean I'm fully aware of this. But I was so proud of myself b/c we walked and it was good.

Once home we cooked...well he made stuffed mushrooms and I made steak subs (at his request) and a salad. His mushrooms were NOT healthy, however I did have one...which I was so proud of myself. Why? B/c at the meeting Sunday the topic was using your extra 49 pp weekly allowance. I've never really used them before b/c I've been scared..but I thought gee one mushroom is perfect. I'll be honesty the greedy chick inside of me wanted more...but I resisted. One was good enough. So I ate my sub and salad and went to bed happy.

All in all it was a good day and I'm glad it panned out how it did. I said all that to say that I believe I am growing...I am definitely doing better and I'm proud of myself. Soooo...yay me! :)

Weigh In

So I had weigh in today and I am down 2.8. To be honest I was hoping for a bigger loss, however I did state that I want to lose 2 pounds a week...so I did meet that. I'm not upset or anything...just of course wanted to lose more. lol

I had a good week. I have been cooking a lot at home, which is awesome. One night I made meatball subs...one night I made steak subs...one night we had spaghetti...it's awesome. I really don't LOVE to cook...my biggest problem is I like an easy fix. When I get off from work I typically just want to eat and veg out in front of the TV. Of course now I immediately come home and cook. I don't get off work until 6p so by the time I get home it's almost 6:30...so I need to go ahead and get on dinner and not waste time.

Anyway so this was just a quick update...had to share my weigh in. Yay me!

Quick Update - YUMMY Free food

UGH SNOW! Okay so yeah I'm at work today and it sucks. Why? Because there is still "winter weather" (i.e. ICE) and my job is providing FOOD. Of course when they provide food it isn't anything healthy it's JUNK. Pizza, ham/sausage biscuits...you name it. UGH! And of course b/c I'm a fat chick everyone walks by and says..."hey there's food in the conference room"....hey I know it's true. They probably think it's something wrong with the food b/c my 300 pound ass isn't in there. SIGH.

{side image: everyone in the building running out and refusing to eat the free food b/c fat chick isn't eating any. they are all yelling "it must be poisioned!!!"}

Okay, maybe I'm exaggarating...I don't know. Maybe it's my inner AND outer fat child getting hostile b/c she wants JUNK. But no way...I'm not going to do it. I actually FEEL hungry since being told there is food around. Isn't that sad? I wasn't even hungry before. Yeah I know it's my mind playing with me. I have some herbal tea with me, if my hunger continues I'll drink that. UGH I'm so frustrated with myself. I won't give in...nope, I refuse. But I'm still angry. I know I shouldn't be....but I am! I don't know...I guess I'm just having issues today. SIGH


me

First Weigh In

Alright, well I had my first weigh in yesterday and I'm so excited to say that I am down 6.2! I know it's mostly water weight...etc...but I wanted a big first loss in order to get this whole change of lifestyle off on a good foot! I was kinda shocked with the total, but truly happy. My goal each week, at least at first is at least 2 pounds per week. I know it's totally doable and that's what I want to do.

I am hoping to take a little vacation to the beach in September and if I consistently lose 2 pounds a week that would put me about 260ish by then. That will be AWESOME! I know it's hard to imagine that someone weighing 260 could be happy with that...but you have to keep in mind I am over 300 at this time. I honestly can I say I carry my weight well (CONSIDERING)....so 260 won't be so bad. It will be nice actually. Of course I would love to be less, but I'm trying to be realistic.

It's very cliche to say, but this isn't a race...it's a marathon. I LIFE marathon. I need to maintain this and so yeah...

Anyway I just had to update. I got some grocery yesterday, which is a good thing b/c it's snowing cats and dogs here...in the SOUTH (DAMMMMMN)...so I'm good with grocery. It's kind of hard b/c I'm not use to be in home all day. But it's my day off and the roads aren't so good. I do have to work tomorrow so I'll be out in the clusterfu*k tomorrow. But today I'm just chilling. Anyway I have decided to write my fav. food of the week and so here is it:

Chocolate Chip Vita Tops with FF Milk. YUM. Awesome snack and the milk is very filling. I think I'm actually going to go have that as a snack right now!

Yay week 1 down....lifetime to go! :)

Back For The First Time

Okay so I'm back. I was going to start a new diary and erase my few entires but I decided to not do that. I am back and this is my diary...so it is what it is! Anyway so I started Weight Watchers January 3rd. I joined the 2nd, Sunday and started the program on Monday. I have used WW in the past and was successful...my downfall came when I stopped the program and decided my life should be an all out can eat buffet rather than a healthy lifestyle. Anyway so I joined and hopped on the scale and it was a HUGE gain....I started WW at 337.4. Yeah that's a lot...tell me something I don't know.

I will tell you this though. I have committed to 1 year straight of WW. No stopping, no stalling, no waivering. Yes, I'm still going to eat a slice of pizza every now and then...and I'll likely have a piece of pie too. However...my problem has always been the ALL or NOTHING mentality and I can't live like that. I can't NOT eat out at a restaurant ever again...nor can I commit to eating only grilled chicken either. Life is about variety and I need to do that in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

So now hear this..."One year of WW"...no if, ands or BUTTS about it! I can do this. I refuse to look back next year this time and say...shoulda coulda woulda. No sir! I must do this...I am excited and I'm ready.

I've had a good week so far. I've had a few temptations. My BF offered to buy pizza and wings and I said no thanks. My sister invited me out to dinner and I also said no. Okay allow me to explain.......

I just started and I'm not strong enough to resist temptation and fatty meals yet. I need to get back in the swing of things before I can say...sure let's order pizza and I'll eat 2 slices and a salad. Mind you my typical mindset it...PIZZA...nom nom...ALLL YOU CAN EAT....not literally, but it's something like that. I need to be back in the right frame of mind...and eating pizza right about now is NO BUENO!

Anywho, I'll be updating this often. I just wanted to check in. So here I am in all my (fat ass) glory...337.4.

ME