I'm Never Goin' Back...Ya Hear??!

Okay yeah so the subject is a line from the movie The Color Purple. I literally was talking to myself the other day about my own weight loss (yeah don't judge me. I talk to myself) and I found myself saying that (as it is one of my fav. movies). And it really fits. I may struggle and it may take me a while...but I ain't going back. I was so miserable weighing as much as I did...and I refuse to ever let that happen again.



In other news I finally took my engagement ring to get re-sized. My ring was a size 10. Yeah I have fat fingers. Well I had been putting off getting it sized b/c I didn't want to "jinx" my weight loss. Though honestly it was too big. I had started falling off a lot. It was so bad I was playing the Wii one day and it flew off and hit my husband. Umm yeah. So time to get it sized. So guess what my ring size is now??! A 7!!! That is sooooo crazy! Okay so I did get the ring in a 7.5 b/c that made me feel more at ease...but I did try on the 7 and it fit...and the jeweler along with my sister tried to convince me to get it in that size...but I really didn't want to. I'm excited! I don't have it yet...but it should be here before the 20th!



In other news as I said earlier I did purchase a Wii. I don't have the "fit" part...but my husband...I mean Santa is giving me that for Christmas. So far I really like it. It makes me move my booty! I have a game called The Hip Hop Dance Experience...and it's awesome! Lots of moving...lots of calories burned! :)



As far as weight goes right now I now weigh 219!!! I am in the teens!!!!!! OMG! YAY! I am super excited about that. I haven't been in the teens in....hell probably...ok yeah I don't even know for real. But I am so excited...so yay! I am just going to keep at it...and don't stop...get it get it! :)



-A

Whoa It's Been a Min.

Wow it has been such a long time since I have logged in here and write a post. I am such a slack ass. Well a slack ass when it comes to blogging...I however have NOT been slacking in the weight loss area. I am currently 223 pounds! I believe that is almost, if not a 10 pound loss since my last post a month ago. YAY!


Also since my last post I have finished the Couch 25k program. I finished that on Monday of this week! This morning I got up and still ran for 30 mins. but I increased my speed a bit. It was super tough this morning for some reason...but I did it! I downloaded the Spotify app. so I was able to created a workout play list on there that helped. I am considering buying the app just to help with my workouts b/c I really need motivating music to move...and I believe it's probably worth the $5 a month. I don't own an ipod. I own a "cheap" Colby music player...that gets the job done...I love it. But it's really not easy to use and interactive. You just load a song/podcast and it plays. Period. lol I'm not knocking it...but it's not worth buying songs and stuff.


Thanksgiving is this week. Yeah I have a plan. First of all I will be eating lots of veggies and I am allowing myself to have as much turkey (without skin) as I want. I am also allowed on serving of "starchy" items such as mac n' cheese and whatnot. I am also going to get up and run in the morning. I actually am starting to like running. I mean it isn't EASY...but I do like it and I love how it makes me feel when I'm done.


And since Friday is black Friday I plan to buy a Wii if I can get one @ a good price. I think a Wii will help me with my fitness goals. I want to do more things that are active and not just me sitting on my ass. I mean mind you I still love TV...I always will....but I need to do more to move my ass! And since my husband got hurt at work he hasn't been as active...so I need to find ways to keep my butt moving!


That's pretty much it that's going on with me. Still losing weight...not gonna stop. I absolutely LOVE myfitnesspal and I do believe my mindset is changing (or has change???) when it comes to food. I am honest to goodness on a healthy lifestyle journey...period!


-A

Well...Well...Well...

Gosh I haven't updated in almost a month. WOW! Okay I am not sure why the heck I have been neglecting my blog. I have still been on the same track as I have been. I currently weigh 233.4 which is a 104 pound loss since Jan. 2011. I am so happy about that.


I am still doing Couch 25k. I actually did Week 5 day 1 today. Oh GOSH that is such a difficult work out! I am proud of myself though for sticking with it. I would LOVE to be a "runner" when it's all said and done. Also I've been doing it in the morning rather than when I get off from work. I hate getting up earlier than I usually do...but it wasn't working for me to do it in the evenings after work. After work I am usually tired and hungry and I can't possibly work out. And if I eat then work out then I get sick...so yeah. Early mornings it is! I do love having a treadmill though so that way I can just go into the other room and do it.


Not much else going on with me. I am at working out 5 days a week. I am not sure if that's enough though. I think I feel that way because I weigh myself every day (bad idea I know) but when I do the days I don't exercise the next morning my weight is typically up...and I HATE that. I mean I know I need a day off from exercising...but it's hard to wake up to a weight increase. I mean it may not be an ACTUAL weight gain but gah it still sucks!


One of my other biggest things right now is both my engagement/wedding ring are both too big! I mean my engagement ring is actually one size bigger than the wedding ring...so it's REALLLLY big...and it just gets on my nerves all damn day long. I tried to stop wearing it for a bit but my husband decided he wanted to make little "comments" about me not wearing it all the time and that started to get on my nerves so I am just wearing it again. I am really afraid to get it sized. It feel like it will jinx me or something. Yeah I'm motivated and doing what I need to do and yeah I do think of this as a true lifestyle change...but I still am kinda weirded out at the idea of getting it sized now. SIGH. So now I believe my finger is an 8 but my wedding ring is a 9 and my engagement ring is a 10. Yeah...too damn big!


Well that's about it...not much else going on with me. Things in my relationship are still pretty rocky...I have no idea how this is going to work out. I just don't know. But one day at a time I guess...that's life. I'm hoping for the best.


-A

Back From "Vacation"

Okay so I was off from work for the past week on a "vacation". I didn't actually get to do anything which totally sucks. But on a positive note I did lose 2.8 this week. That's pretty amazing considering the fact I sat on my ass at home for a week. I walked/exercised every single day. I also completed week 2 of the Couch 25k. (I start C25k Week 3 Day 1 tomorrow...)


I'm not going to lie, I find myself becoming a bit resentful at this point. I have worked so damn hard to basically go NO where. I don't have many friends and the few I have work opposite of me so it's next to impossible to go hang out. My husband...well that's a whole "nother" story. I know it sounds crazy but this is the healthiest, best shape I have been in in at least 10 years. And I don't even ever go out the house. I never get to dress up...I never get to feel pretty...hell I barely ever get any compliments from my husband unless it's via text and he'll say "it's great you are working out. good job" or something like that. I just feel like life is just so unfair at this point. I really is...


So I guess this is just a complaining blog today. Mind you my new total is 99.4 pounds down. I'm soooo happy about that. I purchased some new clothes last week and I can now fit a size 18 pants/jeans and an XL top. That's truly amazing. I started this wearing a size 28/30. I truly am so proud of myself...and that's not something I've felt about myself in such a long time. I just wish I could feel better about myself as far as actually doing more than NOTHING all the time. I guess I could go out and do things by myself...but seriously. Do I ALWAYS have to do shit by myself???? Yeah I guess so. sigh.


Well that's my pathetic update. I'm down 2.8 (big accomplishment)...but I feel kinda like shit.


-A

Howdy!

Happy FALL!!! I can't believe today is the first day of fall!


So I haven't been here in a few weeks. Why? Because I suck! I have still been exercising and being mindful of my food but I just have been lazy about uploading a blog post. Shame on me!


This past weigh in, which was on Sept. 16th my weight was 240.8! Soo happy about that. I am almost out of the "epic" 40's as I've had them in my mind for years. I do hope tomorrow I hit the 30's. Heck I'm close to losing a total of 100 pounds! I can't even believe that.


I've been super obsessed with taking progress pictures and constantly comparing my pictures. Honestly I just don't really see any progress in the mirror but I can see it in pics. I am actually getting kind of mad at myself because I think the pictures I am taking look fake. I don't get it. I mean am I that crazy?? I just don't understand. sigh


In other news I can now wear a size 18!!!!!!!! WOOT! I truly can't believe I can wear 18's now. YAY!!! I have been a 20 for so long that it's so awesome. I still can't wear some 18's. But I can wear size 18 pants from Old Navy and XL shirts. I also purchased a pair of size 18 Gloria Vanderbilt jeans I purchased at Ross. Stoked about that! I am actually going to have a pretty snazzy fall wardrobe! For the longest time because of my size I could only wear stretched out 3x (sleeveless) sundresses from Ross and flip flops. I wore them winter, spring, summer and fall. I really couldn't fit into anything else. I was literally a size 28/30. I swear I didn't realize I was THAT big. SMH. Denial. But I promise I am NEVER going back to do that. I will never, ever, ever do that to myself again. I deserve better than that! I may never be a size ZERO...but I won't ever be a size 30 again!


Also, I've been doing C25K on my (new) treadmill. I just completed week 2 day 2 yesterday. I'll do week 2 day 3 on Monday. I'm actually not "hating" it. lol


I'll be back soon! Another weigh in tomorrow!


-A

Why Hello 40's!

{Warning this post contains "colorful" language}


Okay so my scale seems to be working again...I hope it continues...and I weighed in this past Sunday and my weight was 246.2!!! OMG! I finally made it to the 40's! This is literally the lowest I have weighed in a good 8 years...maybe more. OMG I'm soooo thrilled!!!!!!! SIGH


Also that means I got my reward...Shade of Grey. OMG! That book is f'ing AWESOME! I finished it in 2 days and I am now on the 2nd book. Holy Shit! (ok she says that a lot in the book lol) That book...whew. {fanning myself} Umm yeah. Damn good reward for 90 pounds loss if I do say so myself!


Life has been pretty disappointing lately. I am feeling just so....unwanted and unappreciated lately in life. Life being work and home/relationship. I think that's why I have thrown myself into weight loss as I have as it is truly the most positive, happy thing in my life right now. I don't know. I really don't know. While I am happy about my weight loss...I'm just so unhappy in all other areas. I mean it sucks...but I guess it's kinda a good thing as I am truly fully focused on weight loss just b/c every other aspect of my life is ASSTASTIC.


And speaking of life...I find it amazing that no one I know or see work or home literally care or even have noticed I have lost over 90 pounds at this point. I mean I literally have NO one telling me anything positive or compliments. Not that I'm doing this for compliments...but damn. I did however receive a rude comment from someone at work. I'm the break room getting my lunch (which happened to be a salad) together. Mind you everyone else in the damn place was eating junk food from a damn food truck on site. Anyway so this chick whom I don't even know comes in the break room and says "a salad I see. oh PRETENDING to eat healthy?" (followed by a laugh).....really??! Umm really?? You are putting me down for eating a fucking salad you rude ass....BLEEP!...wow. That kinda upset me...but I brushed it off. I mean I write all that to say...wow. Amazing people don't have SHIT positive to say...but are quick to be rude as hell! Got to love it!


Mind you I am truly happy I am now in the 40's...so I guess I shall let all the BS in my life roll off my now in the 40's back! :)


-A

I Will NOT Eat Fries...I Will NOT Eat Fries...

Did I ever mention my favorite food is French fries? OMG I love French fries. I love fries with salt and pepper, ketchup or cheese...you name it, I love it! So today at work they have brought back this food truck that has delicious parmesan fries. How do I know they are delish? B/c EVERYONE at work has said so. My mouth is literally watering at the idea.


Dilemma of the day...does one go and get yummy fries or does one say no? And THAT is the question! Honestly I want to try them..but I know I don't need to. I don't want to feel like I am depriving myself but I know I would eat ALL of them. And I don't have anyone here who I can "share" them with.


This journey is so damn hard...gosh. I mean so very very hard. But as they say things that are hard are usually worth it. Right? Yeah let's go with that theory. Yeah. I'll say "no" to the yummy fries and eat my salad and watermelon for lunch and forget all about that damn food truck and yummy fries. In the future if I STILL want to try them I will. But today is not the day and I need to get over it.


Self:

You have worked so hard. You are starting to feel better about yourself although your personal life is in the shitter. You deserve to feel good about yourself and look better. You don't need greasy food to make you happy and to make your day better. When it's all said and done those fries will just make you feel bad anyway. You will succeed in the end because you have motivation. No one may not ever say SHIT to you about how awesome you look or the fact that you have worked hella hard. But YOU know it...and that's all that matters.

Love, Me

You've Come a Long Way Baby

It's been about 2 weeks since I have updated. I won't lie for about a week I become a bit frustrated with this whole journey. But I did try my best to stick with things...I just had a few "run ins" with some sushi. lol But with that all being said I am back on track and still kicking butt! Well for the most part.

This week I attended a hip-hop dance class that was kinda hard. But I purchased a groupon for 12 classes for $25 and I am going to use it dang it! I want to go at least once a week for the next 12 weeks. I do need to change things up so I'm not just always walking. And though I love walking...I do need some change. Speaking of change I also am getting a treadmill! My friend is moving out of state and was selling it so I am going to buy it. It's a really nice treadmill for a great price. I believe we are going to pick it up on Friday. I can't wait! I was getting a bit concerned about the soon to be time change as well as cold weather. But if I have a treadmill I can still not miss a beat with walking/running!

And last week I must say I finally go to the amusement park. Guess what??! I fit!!!!! OMG! I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy! I even purchased the (HORRIBLE) picture I took as I was coming down the first big hill on the ride. Sure I look like ASS in the pic...but I still wanted it because that moment meant so much to me. I am so glad I was able to ride it. I truly feel as if I've come a long way. From over 300 pounds to low 250s...I'm so proud of myself!

Speaking of weight so my scale has been acting pretty wonky lately. I think I need to purchase a new battery. So I haven't been able to weigh myself accurately I don't think for the past 2 weeks. That also led to my downfall as far as food goes that one week. However I am ppppppppretty sure I have broke into the 40's!!!!! I haven't counted it as an official weigh in...but I do believe I've made it. Woot! I'm so excited. If I am truly in the 40's this is literally the SMALLEST I've been in at least 8+ years!

Well I guess that's about it. Lots of stuff here and there but I'm on track and doing as I should. Positive thoughts!!!

Weight Loss Rewards

So it occurred to me that at one point in my weight loss journey I had a list of rewards for myself as I continue to lose weight. I do believe I am going to start that again...so here are my current rewards ideas:

90 pounds: Shades of Grey book (I have heard so much about it...so I think I'll give it a try!) ACHIEVED 8/26/12

100 pounds: Kindle?

110 pounds: Fancy Smancy Pedometer

120 pounds: TBD

130 pounds: TBD

140 pounds: Paid "pretty girl" photo shoot (I want to get purty and take some pictures...and you know what by this time I will have more than deserved it!)

Tentative list of ideas...subject to change! :)

Update & My New Kicks

Okay so update this week. Yeah so I am basically the same weight. I actually believe my weight from last Monday was incorrect and I was higher than I thought. Why? Because my weight has been all over the place! I honestly have no idea how much I weigh. The scale keeps giving me 3 different numbers all in the same "weigh in". I'm getting frustrated. Maybe I need to purchase new scale? I dunno. But I'm getting aggravated. I didn't get to go to the amusement park Monday as the person I was going with was sick. So maybe we'll go next Monday? Egh...guess we'll see. I wasn't too crushed by it as I was waiting on a few packages. I got a new pair of walking/running shoes (the FIRST new pair I have had in about 10 years...yea I know!) as well as a jar of PB2. The PB2 was okay. Def. gonna make some pb and jelly sandwiches in the future! But yay for new athletic shoes!! I got them for $28 with free shipping! Sweet! (And Yes those are a pic of my new shoes. Hey I know they are Reeboks...but hey they are comfy and were a great price!) -A

Update Time...Twas A New Month

Okay so my weigh in this week was a bit off I'm thinking. The scale said 251.2 but a day later it said I was back up to 253. My weigh in day was Monday this week because I went out to dinner Saturday night to the Melting Pot for restaurant week. Egh. I mean who knows. I'm fine if my weight really is 253. It is what it is...not going to stop me from continuing on my journey. I just really want to get to the 40's. That is somewhere I haven't been in well over (at least) 8 years. First time I did WW the lowest I got to was the low 50's. And that was my "epic WW" journey. I just really, really want to see the dang on 40's. And yeah I know the 40's isn't small...but it's a bit accomplishment for me and I am ready to get there. So last night I made a big pot (well 2 servings) of shrimp stir fry for my lunches for the next few days. I have officially given up on frozen meals. First of all they are not filling all at all. And they carb/calorie count is just wayyy to high for the little amount of food you get. I can make something for the same, or less calories/carbs but I get more food. I am so proud of myself because this is the first time I have prepped my lunch early. I think it's something I will need to continue to do b/c I am actually looking forward to my yummy shrimp stir fry and watermelon for lunch. BTW I am obsessed with watermelon. It is so low in calories and I get to eat quite a bit of it. It's most definitely my favorite summer fruit. So Monday I am going back to the dreaded amusement park from last year. I remember last year I was so disappointed because I couldn't fit on two rides. SIGH. Well I am now at least 25 pounds lighter than I was last year when I went to I do hope I can fit on them. I don't even want to RIDE them...I just want to see if I can fit. SIGH. It will suck if I still can't fit...I bet I probably can't. BOOO! But if I can't it's all good..wanna know why? B/c I'll be taking my happy ass back there next year even smaller and trying it again! Well that's pretty much my weigh in and update. Iffy weigh in from Monday but I'll still go with it. But we'll see what this coming Sunday brings. I hope it's a lower number than this past weigh in. FINGERS CROSSED! -A

Update Time!

Okay, so it's been over a week since I have updated...wow I suck. Well I just wanted to come on here and say I am still doing well. I love myfitnesspal and the fact that I am counting calories. I love that I am accountable for EVERYthing I eat. Honestly I don't really miss WW that much. I felt like after a while I was "cheating" the system which is why I wasn't really losing weight for a bit. I mean I wasn't intentionally cheating the system...but I was doing it and I realize it now. As of this past Sunday I am now down 83.4 pounds. WOOT! I have been walking at least 4 days a week recently though it has been raining here a lot lately so it has been kinda of tough but I'm not letting that stop me. I really love just going for a walk...putting on Pandora and just clearing my head. I've had a lot of drama in my life recently and I do need that time. It really sucks that I have pretty much lost all of my weight loss support in my life...but I do have myfitnesspal. The people on there are really nice and I appreciate the feedback. No one has ever really commended me on my weight loss. I've lost over 80 pounds and you mean NO one has noticed? I mean geez, thanks. It's all good. I am not doing this for compliments...but it would be nice every now and then to hear. My husband did send me a random text the other day saying I was looking really good lately. It really did make my day. Today they are having food at work to celebrate a good sweeps period and I honestly just can't eat anything. I don't even want to go and put myself in that position to WANT to eat anything I see. I'm really not one for avoiding situations because of food as it isn't something I can do for the rest of my life...however Saturday night I am going out to dinner (my fav. restaurant...The Melting Pot) and I know I will be eating quite a bit there...so why do it twice in one week. That's not very smart. So for lunch today I have a huge yummy salad, watermelon and some yogurt. Yum! It's so hard being the "fat chick". No one really understands what it's like to have a constant inner battle with food. My fight is daily...hell hourly. And you know what? I'm fine with that. I am going to have to make a conscious effort to not over eat and to think about what I'm eating for the rest of my life...and it is what it is. I mean I have to be aware of how much money I spend...I have to be aware of a lot of things in life...so food is just another one. Well that's my LONG update. Until next time! -A
Birthday update: I FIT inside the car!!! I was soooo scared but I was able to fit in the go cart and it was awesome! I also didn't over eat tooo bad. I mean I DRANK more than anything. But it was cool I haven't had much to drink in forever so yay! It was a fabulous birthday. I must make plans to make my lovely husband's birthday AWESOME too!

It's my birthday! I'm so excited! I took the day off from work and my husband is already off today. I woke up this morning to a cute schedule of our events today which include go cart racing (nervous about this as I worry I may not fit in the car!), go have Italian ice (my fav), go to dinner then have martinis at my fav. place. My goal today is to not over do it and to keep my goals in mind. As of today my unofficial weight is 259 however my official weight was 260 on Sunday, which is my weigh in day. I woke up this morning early put on my workout clothes and headed out the door for a walk only to see it's raining! Yikes! So no walking for me today. I'm so disappointed. It rained yesterday too so I couldn't walk. I did walk inside this last night for 15 mins. with weights...hey it's better than nothing. Well that's my quick update. Happy Birthday To Me! -A

NSV

Okay so I really don't get to go out much. Yeah, that's pretty sad to say. But honestly my husband doesn't like to go out much...though he'll get mad if I say that. Anyway, so yesterday we ended up going to the movies. And for the first time that I can remember I didn't have to lift one of the arms on the side of me so I could sit comfortably. That's such a huge victory. I'm so proud of myself. I actually sat there for a good part of the movie with my legs crossed. Yay for NSV!! -A

So Yeah...It's Been a While

It has been many months and I just came back to check out my blog to see where I was last time I posted here. Last time I posted here I weighed 262.6. Funny thing is last weigh in I weighed 262.6. What are the odds?? I have stopped doing weight watchers and I am currently using myfitnesspal as a tool to help me lose weight. My journey over the past year has taken a lot of twist and turns but I am still here. I did gain some weight approximately 14 pounds, which is what I have lost so far with the help of myfitnesspal. When I first started WW last year I felt I had all the support in the world. I was going to meetings with a girlfriend my boyfriend was being supportive and my sister was being supportive. Now it's over a year later and my girlfriend dropped out because she got pregnant and has since had the baby and isn't caring much about losing weight anymore. My now husband doesn't do much as far as being supportive either. For a while he would cook things that were healthy that would help me out or would go walking with me...now....not at all. My sister has too many issues of her own to even worry about being supportive about my journey. So where does that leave me? I am on the journey alone. I make youtube videos but no one views them or comments. I have a facebook page geared toward weight loss and no one ever responds back. Though I only have 10 likes...but nope no one says a word back. So yeah it's just me on the journey. I actually started writing this entry because it's the 4th of July and I was trying to get my husband to do something active with me such as go to the mall and walk around or go to dave and busters and play some games...but he isn't interested. All he wants to do is go sit in theater in the dark for 2 hours. I don't know how I am going to stay on the road to weight loss alone...but I will do it. I am losing weight for myself, so I suppose I don't need support...though it would be nice. So I am just going to keep pushing and doing what I need to do. I am going to renew my journal and write here at least once a week so I can keep track of my journey better. Even if no one ever reads this...I will at least be able to go back and read these entries to help myself. -A