Weigh-In #3 & (mini) Goal Outfit(s)

Hey...so weigh-in #3 and I'm shocked. I lost 3.6 this week! Whhhhattt?? I know, right??! I had the world's longest week. I'm quite shocked actually. I'm very glad about it, don't get me wrong. Just shocked.

My week was made so bad b/c I had to work a 3:30am to 1pm shift at work 3 days this week...and on those days I can't weigh myself. Also my whole eating schedule gets off. I can't STAND it. I hate my job...hate, hate, hate. I really need a new one. I'm hoping I can get on the right path to find a better one this year. This is going to be my year...I'm telling you. I can't take another year being over 300 pounds and I can't take another year in this POS job!

In other news, I walked twice last week and I'm hoping to do the same this week. I did go walking yesterday at the mall. We went around twice, which is a lot. The mall I go walking is HUGE. Also...I got myself 2 little "goal" outfits. I went to Old Navy (I can't wear a fucking thing there at this point) and got a cute dress. The dress is an XXL. It's a black sundress...it's suppose to be cute and flowy...at this point it's just tight and nasty. My butt sticks out and so does my stomach...and my boobs are off the chart (and not in a good way). Mind you I CAN pull the dress down....with a careful SHIMMY...but it looks AWFUL. So I'm hoping by at least March (maybe?) I'll be able to wear it without looking crazy. Mind you the dress was only $8.49. (LOOOVE clearance!) I also got a cute jacket that says Old Navy on the front. It was only $1.99. It is an XL. Umm yeah that bitch is TIGHT. If I sneeze too hard I'd likely rip it. lol But it's all good. I WILL fit into them. I'm so glad I got them...yay!

Well that's my update....I'm hoping for a good week. Hoping for at least 2 down on Sunday!

Frustrated

I am so frustrated....why?

1. I have had to work a shitty schedule over night almost all week so my eating is off...I can't weigh myself...and I'm tired as hell.

2. My period is here and it's horrible...I am in pain, bloated and just generally in a pissy mood.

3. I am sure weigh-in will be awful...why? See above.

Day After MLK Jr. Day

I just wanted to say that yesterday was so much fun. I was kind of dreading the day simply b/c my bf was going to be home all day and I was too. Wait, that sounds bad...well see I'm always off on Monday and he isn't. I was annoyed b/c I wanted to sleep in...relax and just chill...ALONE. Hey, sometimes a girl just needs alone time. However we ended up going to see a movie. We saw The Green Hornet...which BLEW CHUNKS...AWFUL! I totally fell asleep...and it was IMAX and 3d. Anyway..rather than getting my normal popcorn, soda AND cinnamon pretzel...I bought a big bag of cherries with me. So my boyfriend and I shared the cherries and enjoyed the movie. Well enjoyed it as much as one can when the movie sucks.

We then walked the mall (a HUGE mall) and looked for sheets for the bed. I know he was bored...but he was a good sport about it. But the point is we walked a lot. I mean mind you I'm over 300 pounds...so walking this mall about killed me. But my pride wouldn't let me show that I was TIRED as hell...so I kept up pace with him. I mean mind you I wasn't RUNNING or anything...but I was going at a pretty good pace. So when we got home my ankle was hurting...not that I did too much...just b/c I'm so fat. I mean I'm fully aware of this. But I was so proud of myself b/c we walked and it was good.

Once home we cooked...well he made stuffed mushrooms and I made steak subs (at his request) and a salad. His mushrooms were NOT healthy, however I did have one...which I was so proud of myself. Why? B/c at the meeting Sunday the topic was using your extra 49 pp weekly allowance. I've never really used them before b/c I've been scared..but I thought gee one mushroom is perfect. I'll be honesty the greedy chick inside of me wanted more...but I resisted. One was good enough. So I ate my sub and salad and went to bed happy.

All in all it was a good day and I'm glad it panned out how it did. I said all that to say that I believe I am growing...I am definitely doing better and I'm proud of myself. Soooo...yay me! :)

Weigh In

So I had weigh in today and I am down 2.8. To be honest I was hoping for a bigger loss, however I did state that I want to lose 2 pounds a week...so I did meet that. I'm not upset or anything...just of course wanted to lose more. lol

I had a good week. I have been cooking a lot at home, which is awesome. One night I made meatball subs...one night I made steak subs...one night we had spaghetti...it's awesome. I really don't LOVE to cook...my biggest problem is I like an easy fix. When I get off from work I typically just want to eat and veg out in front of the TV. Of course now I immediately come home and cook. I don't get off work until 6p so by the time I get home it's almost 6:30...so I need to go ahead and get on dinner and not waste time.

Anyway so this was just a quick update...had to share my weigh in. Yay me!

Quick Update - YUMMY Free food

UGH SNOW! Okay so yeah I'm at work today and it sucks. Why? Because there is still "winter weather" (i.e. ICE) and my job is providing FOOD. Of course when they provide food it isn't anything healthy it's JUNK. Pizza, ham/sausage biscuits...you name it. UGH! And of course b/c I'm a fat chick everyone walks by and says..."hey there's food in the conference room"....hey I know it's true. They probably think it's something wrong with the food b/c my 300 pound ass isn't in there. SIGH.

{side image: everyone in the building running out and refusing to eat the free food b/c fat chick isn't eating any. they are all yelling "it must be poisioned!!!"}

Okay, maybe I'm exaggarating...I don't know. Maybe it's my inner AND outer fat child getting hostile b/c she wants JUNK. But no way...I'm not going to do it. I actually FEEL hungry since being told there is food around. Isn't that sad? I wasn't even hungry before. Yeah I know it's my mind playing with me. I have some herbal tea with me, if my hunger continues I'll drink that. UGH I'm so frustrated with myself. I won't give in...nope, I refuse. But I'm still angry. I know I shouldn't be....but I am! I don't know...I guess I'm just having issues today. SIGH


me

First Weigh In

Alright, well I had my first weigh in yesterday and I'm so excited to say that I am down 6.2! I know it's mostly water weight...etc...but I wanted a big first loss in order to get this whole change of lifestyle off on a good foot! I was kinda shocked with the total, but truly happy. My goal each week, at least at first is at least 2 pounds per week. I know it's totally doable and that's what I want to do.

I am hoping to take a little vacation to the beach in September and if I consistently lose 2 pounds a week that would put me about 260ish by then. That will be AWESOME! I know it's hard to imagine that someone weighing 260 could be happy with that...but you have to keep in mind I am over 300 at this time. I honestly can I say I carry my weight well (CONSIDERING)....so 260 won't be so bad. It will be nice actually. Of course I would love to be less, but I'm trying to be realistic.

It's very cliche to say, but this isn't a race...it's a marathon. I LIFE marathon. I need to maintain this and so yeah...

Anyway I just had to update. I got some grocery yesterday, which is a good thing b/c it's snowing cats and dogs here...in the SOUTH (DAMMMMMN)...so I'm good with grocery. It's kind of hard b/c I'm not use to be in home all day. But it's my day off and the roads aren't so good. I do have to work tomorrow so I'll be out in the clusterfu*k tomorrow. But today I'm just chilling. Anyway I have decided to write my fav. food of the week and so here is it:

Chocolate Chip Vita Tops with FF Milk. YUM. Awesome snack and the milk is very filling. I think I'm actually going to go have that as a snack right now!

Yay week 1 down....lifetime to go! :)

Back For The First Time

Okay so I'm back. I was going to start a new diary and erase my few entires but I decided to not do that. I am back and this is my diary...so it is what it is! Anyway so I started Weight Watchers January 3rd. I joined the 2nd, Sunday and started the program on Monday. I have used WW in the past and was successful...my downfall came when I stopped the program and decided my life should be an all out can eat buffet rather than a healthy lifestyle. Anyway so I joined and hopped on the scale and it was a HUGE gain....I started WW at 337.4. Yeah that's a lot...tell me something I don't know.

I will tell you this though. I have committed to 1 year straight of WW. No stopping, no stalling, no waivering. Yes, I'm still going to eat a slice of pizza every now and then...and I'll likely have a piece of pie too. However...my problem has always been the ALL or NOTHING mentality and I can't live like that. I can't NOT eat out at a restaurant ever again...nor can I commit to eating only grilled chicken either. Life is about variety and I need to do that in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

So now hear this..."One year of WW"...no if, ands or BUTTS about it! I can do this. I refuse to look back next year this time and say...shoulda coulda woulda. No sir! I must do this...I am excited and I'm ready.

I've had a good week so far. I've had a few temptations. My BF offered to buy pizza and wings and I said no thanks. My sister invited me out to dinner and I also said no. Okay allow me to explain.......

I just started and I'm not strong enough to resist temptation and fatty meals yet. I need to get back in the swing of things before I can say...sure let's order pizza and I'll eat 2 slices and a salad. Mind you my typical mindset it...PIZZA...nom nom...ALLL YOU CAN EAT....not literally, but it's something like that. I need to be back in the right frame of mind...and eating pizza right about now is NO BUENO!

Anywho, I'll be updating this often. I just wanted to check in. So here I am in all my (fat ass) glory...337.4.

ME