Back From "Vacation"

Okay so I was off from work for the past week on a "vacation". I didn't actually get to do anything which totally sucks. But on a positive note I did lose 2.8 this week. That's pretty amazing considering the fact I sat on my ass at home for a week. I walked/exercised every single day. I also completed week 2 of the Couch 25k. (I start C25k Week 3 Day 1 tomorrow...)


I'm not going to lie, I find myself becoming a bit resentful at this point. I have worked so damn hard to basically go NO where. I don't have many friends and the few I have work opposite of me so it's next to impossible to go hang out. My husband...well that's a whole "nother" story. I know it sounds crazy but this is the healthiest, best shape I have been in in at least 10 years. And I don't even ever go out the house. I never get to dress up...I never get to feel pretty...hell I barely ever get any compliments from my husband unless it's via text and he'll say "it's great you are working out. good job" or something like that. I just feel like life is just so unfair at this point. I really is...


So I guess this is just a complaining blog today. Mind you my new total is 99.4 pounds down. I'm soooo happy about that. I purchased some new clothes last week and I can now fit a size 18 pants/jeans and an XL top. That's truly amazing. I started this wearing a size 28/30. I truly am so proud of myself...and that's not something I've felt about myself in such a long time. I just wish I could feel better about myself as far as actually doing more than NOTHING all the time. I guess I could go out and do things by myself...but seriously. Do I ALWAYS have to do shit by myself???? Yeah I guess so. sigh.


Well that's my pathetic update. I'm down 2.8 (big accomplishment)...but I feel kinda like shit.


-A

Howdy!

Happy FALL!!! I can't believe today is the first day of fall!


So I haven't been here in a few weeks. Why? Because I suck! I have still been exercising and being mindful of my food but I just have been lazy about uploading a blog post. Shame on me!


This past weigh in, which was on Sept. 16th my weight was 240.8! Soo happy about that. I am almost out of the "epic" 40's as I've had them in my mind for years. I do hope tomorrow I hit the 30's. Heck I'm close to losing a total of 100 pounds! I can't even believe that.


I've been super obsessed with taking progress pictures and constantly comparing my pictures. Honestly I just don't really see any progress in the mirror but I can see it in pics. I am actually getting kind of mad at myself because I think the pictures I am taking look fake. I don't get it. I mean am I that crazy?? I just don't understand. sigh


In other news I can now wear a size 18!!!!!!!! WOOT! I truly can't believe I can wear 18's now. YAY!!! I have been a 20 for so long that it's so awesome. I still can't wear some 18's. But I can wear size 18 pants from Old Navy and XL shirts. I also purchased a pair of size 18 Gloria Vanderbilt jeans I purchased at Ross. Stoked about that! I am actually going to have a pretty snazzy fall wardrobe! For the longest time because of my size I could only wear stretched out 3x (sleeveless) sundresses from Ross and flip flops. I wore them winter, spring, summer and fall. I really couldn't fit into anything else. I was literally a size 28/30. I swear I didn't realize I was THAT big. SMH. Denial. But I promise I am NEVER going back to do that. I will never, ever, ever do that to myself again. I deserve better than that! I may never be a size ZERO...but I won't ever be a size 30 again!


Also, I've been doing C25K on my (new) treadmill. I just completed week 2 day 2 yesterday. I'll do week 2 day 3 on Monday. I'm actually not "hating" it. lol


I'll be back soon! Another weigh in tomorrow!


-A

Why Hello 40's!

{Warning this post contains "colorful" language}


Okay so my scale seems to be working again...I hope it continues...and I weighed in this past Sunday and my weight was 246.2!!! OMG! I finally made it to the 40's! This is literally the lowest I have weighed in a good 8 years...maybe more. OMG I'm soooo thrilled!!!!!!! SIGH


Also that means I got my reward...Shade of Grey. OMG! That book is f'ing AWESOME! I finished it in 2 days and I am now on the 2nd book. Holy Shit! (ok she says that a lot in the book lol) That book...whew. {fanning myself} Umm yeah. Damn good reward for 90 pounds loss if I do say so myself!


Life has been pretty disappointing lately. I am feeling just so....unwanted and unappreciated lately in life. Life being work and home/relationship. I think that's why I have thrown myself into weight loss as I have as it is truly the most positive, happy thing in my life right now. I don't know. I really don't know. While I am happy about my weight loss...I'm just so unhappy in all other areas. I mean it sucks...but I guess it's kinda a good thing as I am truly fully focused on weight loss just b/c every other aspect of my life is ASSTASTIC.


And speaking of life...I find it amazing that no one I know or see work or home literally care or even have noticed I have lost over 90 pounds at this point. I mean I literally have NO one telling me anything positive or compliments. Not that I'm doing this for compliments...but damn. I did however receive a rude comment from someone at work. I'm the break room getting my lunch (which happened to be a salad) together. Mind you everyone else in the damn place was eating junk food from a damn food truck on site. Anyway so this chick whom I don't even know comes in the break room and says "a salad I see. oh PRETENDING to eat healthy?" (followed by a laugh).....really??! Umm really?? You are putting me down for eating a fucking salad you rude ass....BLEEP!...wow. That kinda upset me...but I brushed it off. I mean I write all that to say...wow. Amazing people don't have SHIT positive to say...but are quick to be rude as hell! Got to love it!


Mind you I am truly happy I am now in the 40's...so I guess I shall let all the BS in my life roll off my now in the 40's back! :)


-A

I Will NOT Eat Fries...I Will NOT Eat Fries...

Did I ever mention my favorite food is French fries? OMG I love French fries. I love fries with salt and pepper, ketchup or cheese...you name it, I love it! So today at work they have brought back this food truck that has delicious parmesan fries. How do I know they are delish? B/c EVERYONE at work has said so. My mouth is literally watering at the idea.


Dilemma of the day...does one go and get yummy fries or does one say no? And THAT is the question! Honestly I want to try them..but I know I don't need to. I don't want to feel like I am depriving myself but I know I would eat ALL of them. And I don't have anyone here who I can "share" them with.


This journey is so damn hard...gosh. I mean so very very hard. But as they say things that are hard are usually worth it. Right? Yeah let's go with that theory. Yeah. I'll say "no" to the yummy fries and eat my salad and watermelon for lunch and forget all about that damn food truck and yummy fries. In the future if I STILL want to try them I will. But today is not the day and I need to get over it.


Self:

You have worked so hard. You are starting to feel better about yourself although your personal life is in the shitter. You deserve to feel good about yourself and look better. You don't need greasy food to make you happy and to make your day better. When it's all said and done those fries will just make you feel bad anyway. You will succeed in the end because you have motivation. No one may not ever say SHIT to you about how awesome you look or the fact that you have worked hella hard. But YOU know it...and that's all that matters.

Love, Me

You've Come a Long Way Baby

It's been about 2 weeks since I have updated. I won't lie for about a week I become a bit frustrated with this whole journey. But I did try my best to stick with things...I just had a few "run ins" with some sushi. lol But with that all being said I am back on track and still kicking butt! Well for the most part.

This week I attended a hip-hop dance class that was kinda hard. But I purchased a groupon for 12 classes for $25 and I am going to use it dang it! I want to go at least once a week for the next 12 weeks. I do need to change things up so I'm not just always walking. And though I love walking...I do need some change. Speaking of change I also am getting a treadmill! My friend is moving out of state and was selling it so I am going to buy it. It's a really nice treadmill for a great price. I believe we are going to pick it up on Friday. I can't wait! I was getting a bit concerned about the soon to be time change as well as cold weather. But if I have a treadmill I can still not miss a beat with walking/running!

And last week I must say I finally go to the amusement park. Guess what??! I fit!!!!! OMG! I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy! I even purchased the (HORRIBLE) picture I took as I was coming down the first big hill on the ride. Sure I look like ASS in the pic...but I still wanted it because that moment meant so much to me. I am so glad I was able to ride it. I truly feel as if I've come a long way. From over 300 pounds to low 250s...I'm so proud of myself!

Speaking of weight so my scale has been acting pretty wonky lately. I think I need to purchase a new battery. So I haven't been able to weigh myself accurately I don't think for the past 2 weeks. That also led to my downfall as far as food goes that one week. However I am ppppppppretty sure I have broke into the 40's!!!!! I haven't counted it as an official weigh in...but I do believe I've made it. Woot! I'm so excited. If I am truly in the 40's this is literally the SMALLEST I've been in at least 8+ years!

Well I guess that's about it. Lots of stuff here and there but I'm on track and doing as I should. Positive thoughts!!!

Weight Loss Rewards

So it occurred to me that at one point in my weight loss journey I had a list of rewards for myself as I continue to lose weight. I do believe I am going to start that again...so here are my current rewards ideas:

90 pounds: Shades of Grey book (I have heard so much about it...so I think I'll give it a try!) ACHIEVED 8/26/12

100 pounds: Kindle?

110 pounds: Fancy Smancy Pedometer

120 pounds: TBD

130 pounds: TBD

140 pounds: Paid "pretty girl" photo shoot (I want to get purty and take some pictures...and you know what by this time I will have more than deserved it!)

Tentative list of ideas...subject to change! :)

Update & My New Kicks

Okay so update this week. Yeah so I am basically the same weight. I actually believe my weight from last Monday was incorrect and I was higher than I thought. Why? Because my weight has been all over the place! I honestly have no idea how much I weigh. The scale keeps giving me 3 different numbers all in the same "weigh in". I'm getting frustrated. Maybe I need to purchase new scale? I dunno. But I'm getting aggravated. I didn't get to go to the amusement park Monday as the person I was going with was sick. So maybe we'll go next Monday? Egh...guess we'll see. I wasn't too crushed by it as I was waiting on a few packages. I got a new pair of walking/running shoes (the FIRST new pair I have had in about 10 years...yea I know!) as well as a jar of PB2. The PB2 was okay. Def. gonna make some pb and jelly sandwiches in the future! But yay for new athletic shoes!! I got them for $28 with free shipping! Sweet! (And Yes those are a pic of my new shoes. Hey I know they are Reeboks...but hey they are comfy and were a great price!) -A