I'm Never Goin' Back...Ya Hear??!

Okay yeah so the subject is a line from the movie The Color Purple. I literally was talking to myself the other day about my own weight loss (yeah don't judge me. I talk to myself) and I found myself saying that (as it is one of my fav. movies). And it really fits. I may struggle and it may take me a while...but I ain't going back. I was so miserable weighing as much as I did...and I refuse to ever let that happen again.



In other news I finally took my engagement ring to get re-sized. My ring was a size 10. Yeah I have fat fingers. Well I had been putting off getting it sized b/c I didn't want to "jinx" my weight loss. Though honestly it was too big. I had started falling off a lot. It was so bad I was playing the Wii one day and it flew off and hit my husband. Umm yeah. So time to get it sized. So guess what my ring size is now??! A 7!!! That is sooooo crazy! Okay so I did get the ring in a 7.5 b/c that made me feel more at ease...but I did try on the 7 and it fit...and the jeweler along with my sister tried to convince me to get it in that size...but I really didn't want to. I'm excited! I don't have it yet...but it should be here before the 20th!



In other news as I said earlier I did purchase a Wii. I don't have the "fit" part...but my husband...I mean Santa is giving me that for Christmas. So far I really like it. It makes me move my booty! I have a game called The Hip Hop Dance Experience...and it's awesome! Lots of moving...lots of calories burned! :)



As far as weight goes right now I now weigh 219!!! I am in the teens!!!!!! OMG! YAY! I am super excited about that. I haven't been in the teens in....hell probably...ok yeah I don't even know for real. But I am so excited...so yay! I am just going to keep at it...and don't stop...get it get it! :)



-A

Whoa It's Been a Min.

Wow it has been such a long time since I have logged in here and write a post. I am such a slack ass. Well a slack ass when it comes to blogging...I however have NOT been slacking in the weight loss area. I am currently 223 pounds! I believe that is almost, if not a 10 pound loss since my last post a month ago. YAY!


Also since my last post I have finished the Couch 25k program. I finished that on Monday of this week! This morning I got up and still ran for 30 mins. but I increased my speed a bit. It was super tough this morning for some reason...but I did it! I downloaded the Spotify app. so I was able to created a workout play list on there that helped. I am considering buying the app just to help with my workouts b/c I really need motivating music to move...and I believe it's probably worth the $5 a month. I don't own an ipod. I own a "cheap" Colby music player...that gets the job done...I love it. But it's really not easy to use and interactive. You just load a song/podcast and it plays. Period. lol I'm not knocking it...but it's not worth buying songs and stuff.


Thanksgiving is this week. Yeah I have a plan. First of all I will be eating lots of veggies and I am allowing myself to have as much turkey (without skin) as I want. I am also allowed on serving of "starchy" items such as mac n' cheese and whatnot. I am also going to get up and run in the morning. I actually am starting to like running. I mean it isn't EASY...but I do like it and I love how it makes me feel when I'm done.


And since Friday is black Friday I plan to buy a Wii if I can get one @ a good price. I think a Wii will help me with my fitness goals. I want to do more things that are active and not just me sitting on my ass. I mean mind you I still love TV...I always will....but I need to do more to move my ass! And since my husband got hurt at work he hasn't been as active...so I need to find ways to keep my butt moving!


That's pretty much it that's going on with me. Still losing weight...not gonna stop. I absolutely LOVE myfitnesspal and I do believe my mindset is changing (or has change???) when it comes to food. I am honest to goodness on a healthy lifestyle journey...period!


-A

Well...Well...Well...

Gosh I haven't updated in almost a month. WOW! Okay I am not sure why the heck I have been neglecting my blog. I have still been on the same track as I have been. I currently weigh 233.4 which is a 104 pound loss since Jan. 2011. I am so happy about that.


I am still doing Couch 25k. I actually did Week 5 day 1 today. Oh GOSH that is such a difficult work out! I am proud of myself though for sticking with it. I would LOVE to be a "runner" when it's all said and done. Also I've been doing it in the morning rather than when I get off from work. I hate getting up earlier than I usually do...but it wasn't working for me to do it in the evenings after work. After work I am usually tired and hungry and I can't possibly work out. And if I eat then work out then I get sick...so yeah. Early mornings it is! I do love having a treadmill though so that way I can just go into the other room and do it.


Not much else going on with me. I am at working out 5 days a week. I am not sure if that's enough though. I think I feel that way because I weigh myself every day (bad idea I know) but when I do the days I don't exercise the next morning my weight is typically up...and I HATE that. I mean I know I need a day off from exercising...but it's hard to wake up to a weight increase. I mean it may not be an ACTUAL weight gain but gah it still sucks!


One of my other biggest things right now is both my engagement/wedding ring are both too big! I mean my engagement ring is actually one size bigger than the wedding ring...so it's REALLLLY big...and it just gets on my nerves all damn day long. I tried to stop wearing it for a bit but my husband decided he wanted to make little "comments" about me not wearing it all the time and that started to get on my nerves so I am just wearing it again. I am really afraid to get it sized. It feel like it will jinx me or something. Yeah I'm motivated and doing what I need to do and yeah I do think of this as a true lifestyle change...but I still am kinda weirded out at the idea of getting it sized now. SIGH. So now I believe my finger is an 8 but my wedding ring is a 9 and my engagement ring is a 10. Yeah...too damn big!


Well that's about it...not much else going on with me. Things in my relationship are still pretty rocky...I have no idea how this is going to work out. I just don't know. But one day at a time I guess...that's life. I'm hoping for the best.


-A

Back From "Vacation"

Okay so I was off from work for the past week on a "vacation". I didn't actually get to do anything which totally sucks. But on a positive note I did lose 2.8 this week. That's pretty amazing considering the fact I sat on my ass at home for a week. I walked/exercised every single day. I also completed week 2 of the Couch 25k. (I start C25k Week 3 Day 1 tomorrow...)


I'm not going to lie, I find myself becoming a bit resentful at this point. I have worked so damn hard to basically go NO where. I don't have many friends and the few I have work opposite of me so it's next to impossible to go hang out. My husband...well that's a whole "nother" story. I know it sounds crazy but this is the healthiest, best shape I have been in in at least 10 years. And I don't even ever go out the house. I never get to dress up...I never get to feel pretty...hell I barely ever get any compliments from my husband unless it's via text and he'll say "it's great you are working out. good job" or something like that. I just feel like life is just so unfair at this point. I really is...


So I guess this is just a complaining blog today. Mind you my new total is 99.4 pounds down. I'm soooo happy about that. I purchased some new clothes last week and I can now fit a size 18 pants/jeans and an XL top. That's truly amazing. I started this wearing a size 28/30. I truly am so proud of myself...and that's not something I've felt about myself in such a long time. I just wish I could feel better about myself as far as actually doing more than NOTHING all the time. I guess I could go out and do things by myself...but seriously. Do I ALWAYS have to do shit by myself???? Yeah I guess so. sigh.


Well that's my pathetic update. I'm down 2.8 (big accomplishment)...but I feel kinda like shit.


-A

Howdy!

Happy FALL!!! I can't believe today is the first day of fall!


So I haven't been here in a few weeks. Why? Because I suck! I have still been exercising and being mindful of my food but I just have been lazy about uploading a blog post. Shame on me!


This past weigh in, which was on Sept. 16th my weight was 240.8! Soo happy about that. I am almost out of the "epic" 40's as I've had them in my mind for years. I do hope tomorrow I hit the 30's. Heck I'm close to losing a total of 100 pounds! I can't even believe that.


I've been super obsessed with taking progress pictures and constantly comparing my pictures. Honestly I just don't really see any progress in the mirror but I can see it in pics. I am actually getting kind of mad at myself because I think the pictures I am taking look fake. I don't get it. I mean am I that crazy?? I just don't understand. sigh


In other news I can now wear a size 18!!!!!!!! WOOT! I truly can't believe I can wear 18's now. YAY!!! I have been a 20 for so long that it's so awesome. I still can't wear some 18's. But I can wear size 18 pants from Old Navy and XL shirts. I also purchased a pair of size 18 Gloria Vanderbilt jeans I purchased at Ross. Stoked about that! I am actually going to have a pretty snazzy fall wardrobe! For the longest time because of my size I could only wear stretched out 3x (sleeveless) sundresses from Ross and flip flops. I wore them winter, spring, summer and fall. I really couldn't fit into anything else. I was literally a size 28/30. I swear I didn't realize I was THAT big. SMH. Denial. But I promise I am NEVER going back to do that. I will never, ever, ever do that to myself again. I deserve better than that! I may never be a size ZERO...but I won't ever be a size 30 again!


Also, I've been doing C25K on my (new) treadmill. I just completed week 2 day 2 yesterday. I'll do week 2 day 3 on Monday. I'm actually not "hating" it. lol


I'll be back soon! Another weigh in tomorrow!


-A

Why Hello 40's!

{Warning this post contains "colorful" language}


Okay so my scale seems to be working again...I hope it continues...and I weighed in this past Sunday and my weight was 246.2!!! OMG! I finally made it to the 40's! This is literally the lowest I have weighed in a good 8 years...maybe more. OMG I'm soooo thrilled!!!!!!! SIGH


Also that means I got my reward...Shade of Grey. OMG! That book is f'ing AWESOME! I finished it in 2 days and I am now on the 2nd book. Holy Shit! (ok she says that a lot in the book lol) That book...whew. {fanning myself} Umm yeah. Damn good reward for 90 pounds loss if I do say so myself!


Life has been pretty disappointing lately. I am feeling just so....unwanted and unappreciated lately in life. Life being work and home/relationship. I think that's why I have thrown myself into weight loss as I have as it is truly the most positive, happy thing in my life right now. I don't know. I really don't know. While I am happy about my weight loss...I'm just so unhappy in all other areas. I mean it sucks...but I guess it's kinda a good thing as I am truly fully focused on weight loss just b/c every other aspect of my life is ASSTASTIC.


And speaking of life...I find it amazing that no one I know or see work or home literally care or even have noticed I have lost over 90 pounds at this point. I mean I literally have NO one telling me anything positive or compliments. Not that I'm doing this for compliments...but damn. I did however receive a rude comment from someone at work. I'm the break room getting my lunch (which happened to be a salad) together. Mind you everyone else in the damn place was eating junk food from a damn food truck on site. Anyway so this chick whom I don't even know comes in the break room and says "a salad I see. oh PRETENDING to eat healthy?" (followed by a laugh).....really??! Umm really?? You are putting me down for eating a fucking salad you rude ass....BLEEP!...wow. That kinda upset me...but I brushed it off. I mean I write all that to say...wow. Amazing people don't have SHIT positive to say...but are quick to be rude as hell! Got to love it!


Mind you I am truly happy I am now in the 40's...so I guess I shall let all the BS in my life roll off my now in the 40's back! :)


-A

I Will NOT Eat Fries...I Will NOT Eat Fries...

Did I ever mention my favorite food is French fries? OMG I love French fries. I love fries with salt and pepper, ketchup or cheese...you name it, I love it! So today at work they have brought back this food truck that has delicious parmesan fries. How do I know they are delish? B/c EVERYONE at work has said so. My mouth is literally watering at the idea.


Dilemma of the day...does one go and get yummy fries or does one say no? And THAT is the question! Honestly I want to try them..but I know I don't need to. I don't want to feel like I am depriving myself but I know I would eat ALL of them. And I don't have anyone here who I can "share" them with.


This journey is so damn hard...gosh. I mean so very very hard. But as they say things that are hard are usually worth it. Right? Yeah let's go with that theory. Yeah. I'll say "no" to the yummy fries and eat my salad and watermelon for lunch and forget all about that damn food truck and yummy fries. In the future if I STILL want to try them I will. But today is not the day and I need to get over it.


Self:

You have worked so hard. You are starting to feel better about yourself although your personal life is in the shitter. You deserve to feel good about yourself and look better. You don't need greasy food to make you happy and to make your day better. When it's all said and done those fries will just make you feel bad anyway. You will succeed in the end because you have motivation. No one may not ever say SHIT to you about how awesome you look or the fact that you have worked hella hard. But YOU know it...and that's all that matters.

Love, Me